I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
