theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
