Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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