I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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