So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
