Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
