I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Farmville is her only friend.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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