the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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