I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
