I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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