I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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