just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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