he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
