Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
