i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We left the knife in your bed.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize