I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
