Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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