Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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