Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
