Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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