Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
