Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(716): View more from New York

Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."

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(817): View more from Texas

The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.

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(256): View more from Alabama

Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.

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(805): View more from California

100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won

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(309): View more from Illinois

Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.

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(515): View more from Iowa

it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.

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