Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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