Yo dont text me then not text me
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
