yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
