was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
