...so i touched it.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
