was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
