We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
