I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
