So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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