ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
