just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
