I threw up into my coffee this morning.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
