so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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