You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
