it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
