That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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