just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
