I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
