1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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