I skipped work to stalk him.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize