hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize
