i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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