i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Randomize
