Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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