when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
