Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
