did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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