the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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