Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
