I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
