all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Let's get the cat blown out
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
