Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize