i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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