Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize