im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
so let's talk penis.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
