So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
jump out the window naked night went bad
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