Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
