You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize