Swine flu. Run for my life!
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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