saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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