You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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