He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize