sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
