Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
