I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
