She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Im part way to drunk.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
