Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
